Even if I grumble and bitch and moan, I am working hard to eat well and exercise. That said, I had too big and unbalanced a dinner tonight and I haven’t worked out since Wednesday, but I know it and I think it’s a problem which shows tremendous growth for me.
I’m having trouble fitting in time to be *here* and I think of it often and I want to be here. I just keep choosing sleep!
I’m a teacher. It’s the end of the year. there is little time to blog, but I am still working at making the changes to my life I want to make. I’m eating pretty well, exercising most days and trying to stay positive even when it sucks.
My next big task (aside from making it to the last day of school) is to find out how to properly use a gym. I joined one on May 3, and I’ve been there three times: once to sign up, once to get my free training session (a personal training sales pitch) , and once for the latin impact class I really wanted to join for.
I’m terrified of all that equipment, I don’t know how to make a good exercise plan, and I’m intimidated by the people who look as if their job is to workout in the gym all damned day. I’m off to google it once a little time opens up for me.
Well, I just spent two nights away on a very good weekend date with C. We both struggle with weight, and I know I’ve used him and being with him as an excuse to eat things I can’t have when I’m at home or with J, who has allergies. I’ve trying to be better at making choices I can be proud of when I’m with him.
Friday was crazy, with finishing work, getting home and packed in time to check in and get to the class he was teaching 45 minutes away (with my assistance). Saturday we went to the theater to see a musical - bad show, unfortunately - and Sunday he had a reading and book signing south of Boston. I didn’t get to exercise until tonight, so that was two days off. I am very happy with the food choices I made given the menus I had to choose from.
It was good. I felt beautiful and sexy - helped I’m sure by patent leather peep toe heels.
And I’m proud of myself for it.
Go me!
Last night, I dreamed I had overslept. That’s a sign and I don’t like it much. I know I need 7 or more hours a night. Why am I getting fewer than 6? Nevertheless, I’ve been pretty successful today.
My big challenge was that I forgot my lunch. I pack most of my lunch the night before and then, before work I have to grab afrozen meal, my bananas, and my cooler and I’m ready to go. Wel, this morning I forgot to grab my meal from the freezer. But I did it anyway, I spaced out the food I had, drank lots of water, added a box of raisins, and made it until dinner time when I ate reasonably before taking my walk.
I thought it would be tedious to post this way, but I need to post daily for a while. I need to remember what it is to be mindful about eating less and moving more. I also need to be more tuned in to what I’m feeling about it all. I also need to see how others are doing, so I can see what I have to offer. I also am appreciating the encouragement, sympathy, ideas, and common plight of others. So thanks.
and done well.
Ups:
I made reasonable food choices. I worked out (Cardio Salsa). I drank my water. I’m here, getting and offering support.
Downs:
I had forgotten about my class this afternoon when I posted this morning. After it (6:15) I ran and errand and so I got home after 8 and I ate my dinner way too late [but I didn’t get junk while I was out]. I’m still awake [and therefore getting less than 7 hours of sleep]. I didn’t get to talk with my sweeties.
Plans:
Repeat the ups from today. Eat on a more reasonable schedule tomorrow. Take a walk for my workout (the two high impact workouts in a row are making me VERY sore).
I rock. So far anyway. I am looking forward to my yogurt ansd strawberries - that’s a switch!
I can do this. I think I’ll do Cardio Salsa today. Or walk the 1.75 mile block across the street. Not sure which. Something to think about all day. If I walk, I can listen to Harry Potter on tape. If I do Cardio Salsa, I can really work up a sweat to good music. . .
Decisions, decisions . . .
I want my days to be like this one. I got up, packed a healthy foods lunch, told myself that I would only eat from my (modified, Weight Watchers core) food list, that I would go to the gym, and come home to relax, garden, and eat a healthy dinner.
You know what, I did it. It was not seamless: the gym is closed due to a fire, I burned my popcorn, I didn’t spend much time in the garden, I ate much later than I wanted to.
But I made it work: At school, I didn’t eat the kids’ snacks or ask a coworker to bring me anything when she took her coffee break. After being turned away from the gym, I did an exercise DVD (45 minutes of Cardio Soul). I watered the garden, I microwaved a quick and healthy meal (lean cuisine with added brown rice and peas - I love my microwaveable quick fixes). I got a text from one of my loves and I spent a while on the phone with the other.
OH - and I unwrapped a Hershey’s miniature chocolate bar BUT I DIDN’T EAT IT. I threw it away. I threw away opened chocolate. That goes with my throwing away the bag of chips this morning . . . and the Doritos . . . and the bread.
The guinea pigs and cats will forgive me for not spending hours sitting on the couch. My bodywill get over being tight and sore and thank me for exercise. I will become the woman I want to be.
Please, Universe, help me have the strength to repeat the successes of this day.
I rock. (Must keep this up).
and it’s all my fault. I’m so pissed with myself. i have sucked at this part of taking care of myself. I have been on a 6 month binge and I can’t seem to stop it. I want to be where I was and I don’t know how to get there again. I’m trying, really, but I keep falling apart and then I go to that thought place of, “Oh well - there goes today . . .”
What can I do to get back on track? What helps? Because I’ve tried what I know and it isn’t working. I need people - a community of people who are there with and for me and I don’t know how to get that.
Damn.
I’m trying to go easy on myself without giving up. It’s hard. I cant’ seem to find balance.
I’m searching, trying, and still hovering around 226.
*sigh*
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